The AGA Saga

As soon as you've actively decided that an AGA is better than a conventional oven then you have successfully made the leap into the upper middle class.


'They're actually more energy efficient than conventional ovens.'  I can see why you may think that a device which, contains 3 ovens and 2 hot plates that are always turned on, is energy efficient. Laws of physics and that may disagree with you though. But hey, them Scientists used to think the world was flat, so there is every likelihood that they're wrong about AGAs.


'But Jack, they heat up the entire house!'  If that's true then great! There is nothing I need more than for my home heating to be unregulated so that my house ends up hotter in summer than it is in winter. But it's not true. Still, who doesn't love an unbearably hot kitchen eh?


'There's an oven which keeps plates warm.' Yeah. There's an expression about straws and clutching which may be apt here but to be fair everyone knows the cornerstone of a memorable dinner party is the warmed plates that the outside caterers serve their food on.


'Oh Fuck off! We pay the damn bills don't we!! Why should it matter if we spend a little more money on gas than the rest of the country?!'


Because you're not using just a little more gas but a lot more gas and you are deluded to suggest that you are a better person for doing so. You're ignorant to your own decadence, I don't care how decadent you are I just want you to accept and acknowledge the fact that you are better off than many others and accept that you are decadent. That aside, you haven't eaten a pain au chocolat until its been heated in an AGA. Quite simply sublime.


Insecurity-ridden usage of sarcasm to one side for a moment, I have no qualms with the upper middle class. If upper middle class was a race, I wouldn't be racist. Some of my closest friends are upper middle class.  They can't help that they've been born into AGA using families. I'll eat their moroccan Humus, lightly seasoned kettle chips and sun dried tomatoes in sicilian olive oil, I'll even laugh at their jokes about the Labour government. But ask me to switch to a bloody AGA!? I'll stick to my Sainsbury's taste the difference range of microwaved meals thank-you very much. Nothing tastes more different than an over microwaved lasagne stuffed full of good old middle-class preservatives.